Robots In Disguise

The Movie Blog hipped me to some images from the live action “Transformers” movie. That weird-looking thing above is supposed to be Megatron...seriously.

Captain Caveman!

Here’s a movie where nothing really happens. Well, stuff happens, but none of it is even remotely interesting. A bunch of people are trapped in a cave with some monsters and -- wait, that picture of Natalie Mendoza is from “The Descent”! I don’t know *how* I could have mixed up two completely different movies that take place in caves and feature monsters. For the record, “The Descent” was in the can well before “The Cave”. Haven’t seen “The Descent” yet, but I’m a big fan of director Neil Marshall’s “Dog Soldiers”.
There’s a rule in screenwriting about the first ten pages of a script, how you should knock the reader’s socks off, but it doesn’t mean you can then slack off from page eleven to Fade Out. The big “twist” in the movie could have been explored so much further. The PG-13 rating didn’t help matters either.

Monster Mash

Whoa! Actual progress bar movement on the werewolf spec. Not enough to make the Screamfest deadline that came and went a few days ago, but Slamdance has a screenwriting contest for Horror scripts (Halloween deadline) so I’ve got plenty of procrastinating ahead of me. Seriously, less pontification, more writing this time. The TV pilot needs a spit and polish job, but it’s basically done. Scriptapalooza TV, here I come!
The Latino Review has the lowdown on Andrew Kevin Walker’s “The Wolf Man” screenplay here. Sounds like Walker doesn’t pull any punches (his “Batman vs. Superman” script would have kicked all kinds of cinematic ass). It’s pretty grisly and even features a showdown between The Wolf Man and an alligator. Some other stuff, “Feast” actually has a release date in September. I’ll believe that when I see it. Finally, I already posted some story starters for the week, but what in the heck is this?

Is strange carcass the ‘hybrid mutant’?

Can you blush?

I’ll admit I was a little hard on “Blade: The Series” when it premiered. I harped on the questionable acting talents of Kirk Jones and Jill Wagner, the mediocre fight scenes and the cheesy “Mutant X” feel of everything. Now that I’ve had some time to chew things over, I gotta say... those complaints are still valid, *but* the developing storylines aren’t half bad. With all the plotting, Vampire Nation politics, secret experiments, rogue vampires, moles and that pesky Daywalker, it’s really hard out there for a vamp.

Last week, we got more background on Blade’s origin, saw how Whistler got that limp and found out that Blade’s Dad is one bad mother-- Shut your mouth! (I was only talkin’ about Blade’s Dad). Also, Krista decided to turn her dying Mom into a vamp-- I’m sure that will end well. If I had one additional nitpick it would be about Pure Bloods and aging. We all know that vampires don’t age, so how exactly does a Pure Blood grow? Charlotte, the tween Pure Blood that Marcus is so deathly afraid of, has obviously been around the block a couple times. Is she going to have a growth spurt? Can Pure Bloods choose to remain a certain age?

Story Starters

‘Hungry Ghost’ spooks Asian business fortunes.

The hunt for Gambia’s mythical dragon.

Man lifts car off pinned cyclist.

Pentagon sells surplus military equipment to public.

Pop singers in Taiwan try to appease spirits.

Scientist Plan To Rebuild Neanderthal Genome.

Thief plays dead when caught red-handed.

Wolf escapes from Thailand zoo.

The Fog

An 80s, cult horror movie ripe for a remake? Check! Bloodless, PG-13 acceptable deaths? Check! Tons of CGI? Check! Male and female hotties of the moment with questionable acting skills as the leads? Check! What could possibly go wrong? Plenty. I’d be lying if I said the original “Fog” was the “Citizen Kane” of horror flicks, but that John Carpenter always knew how to get a good scare of his audiences and he also managed to do it without a ton of dough. In this remake, even the 21st century CGI fog looks crappy. The vengeful spirits aren't shadowy wraiths with red, glowing eyes...they're transparent. Frickin' transparent!
I could go into a bazillion other complaints, but something in particular got stuck in my craw. The ghost/zombies want revenge on the descendents of the guys who screwed them royally. Fine. And there’s this subplot about Maggie Grace’s character (Elizabeth) realizing that in another life, she was one screwees... it’s probably why she’s always felt like an “outsider”. Okay. Late in the movie, she leaves her boyfriend (Tom Welling), goes up to the ghost/zombie leader and changes into one, after a magical kiss. After that, the ghosts/zombies pretty much leave. End of movie. WTF!?
How about Elizabeth sacrifices herself in order to save the man she loves. Yeah, it might be corny and hackery on the highest level, but it wouldn’t be any worse than the crappy resolution they used. And just for the record, Maggie Grace and Selma Blair, I’ve seen Jamie Lee Curtis and Adrienne Barbeau and you, Young Misses, are no Jamie Lee Curtis nor Adrienne Barbeau.